it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize