i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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