I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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