I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
