Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
