Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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