When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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