I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
