he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You're like the curious george of whores
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
