i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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