So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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