I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
