I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
