I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
