Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
