I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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