if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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