How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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