The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
A bitchslap is in order.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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