Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
