and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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