I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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