Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
