she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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