They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize