lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
