i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
