we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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