I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
