My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
