So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
People in love make me want to vomit
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
