oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
