those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
