He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
