she woke up with a sticky ear
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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