Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
