so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
