I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
