Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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