A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
