I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
