i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
