he puts the penis in happiness.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
