i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
