It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize