dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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