there were more penises there than on chat roulette
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize