I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
