I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
