She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
