Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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