we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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