I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
