A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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