If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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