She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
