splinters make it hard to masturbate
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
