oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize