My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
