Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
