Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
