i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize