I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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