He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
