Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
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