..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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