have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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