If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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