i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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