Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize