Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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