Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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