yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
