I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He better not be in your backpack
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
