ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
