Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
