new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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