Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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