See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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