her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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