Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
