I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize