just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just invented taco cereal.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
