Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
BRING THE BAGELS
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
