I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
