You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
