You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
