Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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