Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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