Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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