Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
