how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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