D3 body, D1 cock
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
