ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
