Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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