i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
