You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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