Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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