What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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