how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
