Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
