ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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