btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
