i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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