In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
